So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
