Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we should paint friendship bongs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
