I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
