why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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