I got chris browned last night
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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