what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
