I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
