Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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