If that was your dad, he is hot
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize