Screwed.edu
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's blow job season.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
