The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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