That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
