i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
