Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We are all done wearing pants today
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
