I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Boobs are out for the taking
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
