I will die if light touches me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
