Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
