Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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