I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
