I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
