summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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