im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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