just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
bring money and cleavage
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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