I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
