Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
