well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
