apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
But theres a keg here and me gusta
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
