Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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