it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
