I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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