TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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