I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
