I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
