Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
