AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
