I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
