I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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