my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
