I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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