guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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