Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
