Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
