So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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