I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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