Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
