Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"