Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
