Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
