nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You brought string cheese to the strip club
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
