I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize