Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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