I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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