o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
