Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
