My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
