he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.