i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
