real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.