so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.