She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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