you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager