I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
