WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
