New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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