I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
