i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
