Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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