how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Are we still banned from the library?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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