I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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