instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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