i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
