He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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