At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
