im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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