Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
