So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
be right there i have to get my cape
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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