Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
