What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
