He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
